Emotional Tales From Hillsborough

This is the follow up to yesterday article - Hillsborough Remembered.

Eddie Spearritt, Survivor who lost his 14-year-old son, Adam
There was a policeman on the track. He must have been five or six feet away from me. I was screaming and begging him to open the perimeter gate. You can scream your head off when you’re screaming for your son’s life. I was right at the front and I'm screaming that Adam had fainted, I think at one stage I even said he was dying, but he didn't open the gate. I woke up in hospital on Sunday evening to find that Adam had died.

Trevor Hicks, Lost both his daughters, Sarah, 19, and Victoria, 15
I was profoundly and forcibly transformed by Hillsborough. Within a few hours I had lost everything of real value, my daughters Sarah and Victoria, my status and responsibilities of Dad and Husband, my respect for the British establishment and any reason to look and plan for 'the future'. All my values and beliefs were shattered. Years on I am slowly rebuilding a different life, trying to 'make the best of a bad job'. I still hurt like hell and keep wanting what cannot be, but like it or not, life will go on, Mother Earth keeps revolving, time doesn't heal, you just get better at dealing with it.

Chris Mann, Survivor
Being afraid happens to us all. That day, for a few minutes in those enclosures, everybody shared the same fear. I survived because somebody went under a barrier. I was pushed up against it with no way of lifting myself over. My ribs felt like they were about to snap at any second and my lungs were on fire. I reached out and pushed up on the nearest thing. As I was pushing myself up, I looked round and realised that I was pushing someone else down. I wanted to stop, but I knew if I did, I would go down with him. So I didn't stop, and he went down, and I still don't know if I killed him.

Neil Fitzmaurice, Survivor
We were pushed forward into the pens and we just hit the fans like a wedge. It's at this point I realised how out of control things had become. Then I realised I was basically paralysed from the neck down. I had no control over my body. The panic hit me because fans were building up behind me. You'd move five or six feet and then there'd be another crush. I couldn't see the game - all I could see were heads. My senses were being attacked - touch, sight and sound. The noise was deafening and I'd forgotten there was a game on. People were starting to fall and if you fell you didn't get back up. It was blind panic.

Fans were trying to climb over the chicken wire fences and I distinctly remember many being thrown back in by the police. The crush intensified and I looked round and saw people fainting. Some were lifted in the air and it was as if they were floating.

I was only seconds away from losing consciousness. I silently did a deal with God, looking up and telling Him: "Get me out and I'll go to church every day." It sounds ridiculous now. Someone near me was trying to lift themselves up and as he did his elbow ended up in my throat. It wasn't his fault, he was just trying to get out. I moved my head and he lost his balance, so he put his hand on my shoulder and I was pushed back. This meant I pushed the guy in front of me and he fell. For one reason or another there was suddenly some room. There was a guy next to me with a Crown Paints Liverpool top. He was about 40-odd and I was 17. I grabbed his arm and we started moving towards the steps in between the pens that led to the pitch - but the safety gate designed to ease congestion was locked. We started lifting some people over the fence. There was this guy - he was purple and grey. I presumed he was unconscious but it turned out he was dead. As we lifted him up I told him to get onto the pitch once he was over the fence, but as soon as we let go of him he just thudded to the floor. That's when I knew we had to get out of there. I climbed onto barrier, down and onto the pitch. I fell on my back and I distinctly remember a completely blue sky. I totally switched off from everything going on around me.

Other Survivors
I couldn't believe what was going on. No one could move, not an inch. People around me were contorted in whatever position they'd been compressed. Heads were locked between arms and shoulders, the faces gasping in panic.

I was bent forward, from the waist, my full weight pressing down on people in front of me. At first the pain in my back was sharp but then it was in my chest. Suddenly, I knew I was going to die.

I realised that the guy next to me was dead, his eyes were bulging and his tongue out. It was sheer horror.

I saw a young boy go down and knew that was it for him. He went under people's feet but no one could do anything about it. The pressure was so great.

Fans screamed at the police on the perimeter track to open the small evacuation gates on to the pitch, but they just seemed transfixed. They did nothing. As fans tried to climb the overhanging perimeter fence, officers on the track pushed them back into the crowd.

96 Reds - Hillsborough Remembered

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." Bill Shankly

Twenty years ago, on April 15th 1989, over 25,000 Liverpool supporters travelled to Hillsborough, Sheffield to watch the FA Cup semi-final match against Nottingham Forest. 96 of them never returned!

What should have been a fantastic day for the club and the fans turned into the scene of the most horrific football disaster the game has ever seen.

96 Liverpool supporters were crushed to death. Half of them were 21 or younger (youngest was 10 years old, cousin of present club captain). To the families and friends they left behind, they were simply a dad, a son, a brother, a sister, a cousin, an auntie, an uncle, a granddad, a boyfriend, a husband, a soul mate and a best friend.

If you are not a football fan, imagine you and your mates were looking forward for a great evening watching your favourite artiste performing in a concert hall. Something bad happened and you lost your mates, forever!

Initial details were sketchy in those days without mobile phone and Internet. Three days later, on Tuesday, Liverpool awoke to a sickening headline. The Sun’s infamous “The Truth”, reported that “some fans picked pockets of victims; urinated on the cops and beat up PC giving kiss of life.” It was soon established as lies and cover up! The police had tried in vain to cover their tracks, first lying that Gate C had been forced open and then blaming drunken fans for the chaos that they failed to control.

(Perhaps our mata-mata are taking a cue from their colonial bobbies!)

Four months later, Lord Justice Taylor published his findings into the disaster, after he was commissioned to investigate the causes behind the tragedy. (Correct, correct, correct - we have similar Royal Commission over here too). The inquiry named the cause as failure of police control “a blunder of the first magnitude.”

Police froze and failed to control the huge crowd lining up at the limited turnstiles. Fifteen minutes before 3pm kick-off, they decided to open exit gate. The fans flooded on to the already overcrowded standing terraces of Leppings Lane. The police failed to divert them to other less crowded areas. Hundreds were crushed against perimeter fence.

Lives were never the same again for many survivors. There was a sense of guilt among those who had gone home alive that day! Many suffered from post traumatic stress disorder. There were documented cases of mental breakdown, marital woes and suicide!
There are many moving articles and tributes that can be found on the Internet. Check out www.liverpoolfc.tv.

p.s
1) After the tragedy, generally all football stadiums had been converted to all-seater and the removal of barriers at the front of stands.

2) The city boycotted the paper and till today it did not recover its loss of 200,000 circulation in Merseyside!

96 Reds live on in our memories. RIP.
May all be well & happy, be free from mental and physical suffering!

2008 10 Milestones & Tombstones

10th wedding anniversary. The Aluminum Anniversary! Yum Seng! Honeymoon is over la, but the hard work starts now in raising the kids to be good beings. Yeah, life is no longer just the 2 of us, life revolves round the kids. Hopefully in many moons to come, these 2 kids will bring us the honey!

9 days 6 nights Tour De Italy in November. That was the out of the box equation by the travel agency. The extra 2 days were spent in airports and lost to time zone. Visited Rome, Pisa, Florence, Venice, Verona, Milan and a short trip to Swiss border! (Postcards from Bella Italia, posted on 27 Nov).

888 Fatt! Fatt! Fatt! Slow and steady in assets accumulation. The extra cash was forced to work hard for its own good. Long term is the game. Even though the share market tanked, the only way is up! Other newsworthy piece was that the wills were done up nicely. Sorry dude – nothing for you! (Long Term Investment Goals, 16 Sept & Seek Wealth, 22 Dec).

7 years old daughter survived Primary 1. The horror stories on pressure and difficulties in coping with the screwed up education system were all unfounded. Yes, the education system could definitely be improved. No, the kid did not dread going to school. As a bonus, she indulged in badminton and dancing and thoroughly enjoyed herself! Being an all rounder is the way to go! (Dance, Little Lady, Dance, 5 Aug & So You Think You Can Dance, 30 Jul).

6- June 2nd – new kid on the blog! http://metta88.blogspot.com. The rest is history! (New blogger in town, 2 Jun).

5- May 4th – first visit as a hospice volunteer to spend time with cancer patients at Oncology ward at GH. There is so much to learn from these patients and their caregivers. Tour of duty is every first Sunday of the month. (An Evening With Cancer Patients, 4 Aug).

4 Death! Mom lost 2 persons dearest to her within 2 months; her hubby (3 Oct) and mom (3 Dec)! RIP - dad and granny. (Obituary, 3Oct & Obituary II, 3 Dec).

3 – Mar 8 12th general election – Enough is enough. Malaysians voiced out via the ballot papers. The out of touch ruling party lost its 2/3 majority and 5 states. Many deadwood, arrogant and big headed politicians were consigned to the history book!

20th anniversary for VI Class 88. It was that long since we sat for our SPM and last met some of the mates. Great reunion on 1 Nov! The comradeship was still strong and it showed in the football field as we won the VIOBA Inter Batch Football tourney. (High n Low, 2 Jun).

1-first appearance in a golf tourney in Saujana. It was only my third outing on the green but it was definitely a day to remember. Yeah, how I wish I was the numero uno!

Goodbye 2008!

Obituary II

Exactly 2 months (3 October) after losing her husband, mom lost her mom, i.e. my grandmom at 4.50pm, due to old age. Grandma was 84. She did not fully recover from an infection two weeks ago but up to that moment, she was still an alert lady who could still move around the house on her own.

Born and bred in Kuala Lumpur, she led a full life, leaving behind 8 children (plus 4 deceased), 34 grandchildren and >20 great grandchildren. She was a lovely and caring lady who raised the family well. An independence and mentally strong lady who passed down these traits to many of us including mom and myself.

She never fail to amaze me with her resourcefulness and up till today, I will get goose bumps just by the sheer mention on how she single-handedly delivered her own children (including my mom!) at home! When she went into labour, she would boil water.. and the rest is history.. No first class medical facilities with top notch pain killers with the services of renowned gynaecology!

RIP.
Note : Grandpa passed away in 1989. Grandma will be buried next to him this Sunday!

The Living Years Jan 1942 - Oct 2008

Excerpts from a beautiful 1988 song “The Living Years” by Mike & The Mechanics

“I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I called his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye”

3 Oct 2008, 8.15am, land line from the hospital. Mom was on the other end “I think your dad is gone!” In Hokkien “Bo Leow” not Boleh! I was in the car with the 2 kids, just a few minutes away from the babysitter’s place.

I woke up feeling good even though I did not have a good sleep as I ‘survived’ the crucial period. I always have the notion that the probability of death is always higher before sunrise. (Both grandparents fell into this category!). Aiyah silly me – what a distorted notion – work and jolly during working hours and drop dead in the wee hours? C’mon!

When I reached hospital, dad or rather the body was draped in white cloth. Mom remained cool, waiting for my arrival. No tear, no hysterical scream. Calls were made to dad’s siblings, informing them about the death and decided to let them to take charge of the funeral arrangement. Well, if it was up to me, probability I would be disowned by them at the end of the whole affair. No, no body snatching but something along the line.

3 Oct 2008, my sister turned 36! Huh! From now on, we just have to wait and see how is she going to embrace 3 Oct. Mixed celebrations? Or perhaps hang it as there is no joy in getting older anyway? She hugged the body upon reaching the bedside. It was a poignant moment. Tears were shed!

In his bachelor days, dad was a salesman crisscrossing the nation in a van peddling soft drink, cigarettes etc. He was the eldest son. He lost his mom when he was very young. She lost her life after giving birth to her third child. It was post Japanese Occupation era where medical advances were still in infant stage. Terms like C-section and epidural did not exist. The only term that I could think of is breastfeeding but it could not prevent death to the mother! Grandpa remarried and added 6 more offspring.

In the mid 70s, when I was a kid, dad ventured into business. He spent long hours in his work to feed the family. There was no break except Chinese New Year. As a sole breadwinner, he worked extremely hard. Mom was given the task in raising us. Obviously there was no winning formula in raising kids but it showed in the later years that our bond with dad was not as strong as compared to mom. And for all his hard work in providing for the family, he probably neglected his health!

Toward end of 1995, after a persistent blurry sight and headache, he was diagnosed having mild stroke. He was rushed to SJMC from Tung Shin in an ambulance to be operated immediately to remove the blood clot. (That was the first of many trips in ambulance!). Life was never the same again. He was less mobile. 1 chronic disease after another invaded him. Hypertension, diabetes and finally lung cancer. Not forgetting a hip replacement after a fall 2 years back. So it was kinda of poor quality of life in his last few years.

He was a friendly and talkative person. He could speak almost all the Chinese dialects and could converse in BM but not English. He was born, bred and died in his homeland, so stop all this pendatang labeling.

As the eldest son, he had a big ego to boot but he took care of the siblings well. They did look up at him. Like father like son, so in some sense, I did embrace some of his characteristics. He also ‘showed’ us the bad examples that none of us picked up i.e. smoking, drinking and swearing!

In the 70s and 80s, we loved our visit to the cinemas to watch the 9pm Shaw Brothers sword fighting movies, followed by supper at the Hokkien Mee stalls! To make these outings more memorable were the fact that our mode of transport was lorry. Me and brother enjoyed riding at the open carriage, facing the breeze.
Of course there were memorable regular outings to Frasier Hill, Lenggong and Mimaland. And not forgetting my first plane ride, from Singapore when I was eleven! (We missed the flight to Singapore, so as plan B boarded the train to Singapore – yeah in a swoop boarded train and plane for the very first time!)

Of course, I did pay back certain percentage! I made him real proud during my graduation. I gave him a lovely daughter in law who took care of him. Last but not least, as a proud Chinaman, he left us knowing that he has a grandson! He must have been holding on until this grandson started walking (a month ago) and started calling him Ah Kong (a week before his demise)!

The Living Years

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Chorus

I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I called his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Chorus

MTV from Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOSrKNVF2VI

Obituary

Even though I was not given much chance, I fought gallantly for a year. Too bad the cancerous cells just stood stubbornly and took my breath away. I departed peacefully this morning, 3 October 2008 at 8.15am at the age of 67. I left behind my beloved wife, Yee Chong Hoa and my 4 children and 4 grandchildren in safe hands. RIP!
May All Be Well & Happy!

My 18 Hours Under ICU

“I was discharged from oncology ward at 7pm on Thursday 11 September. 18 hours later I was knocking on heaven’s door. I was readmitted as my life was under threat. During those hours, which was filled with a lot of uncertainties, I felt there was some unknown strength that supported me through it all. I have gone through a lot. The medical staff treated me well during my ‘detention’”. Say No to ISA, oophs ICU!

Dad’s condition has deteriorated since the article “Cancer” was written on 4 June. He is a frequent boarder of the hospital. Friday the 12, it was a close call. Mom called “Dad was not responding too well and was sweating profusely. There was not much urine in catheter bag” It was almost lunch hours and it should be wee-wee time. That could only mean one problem – the urinary tract was blocked. Luckily the traffic was kind and with no chicane to tame managed to reach the hospital in a quick time.

Dad was wheeled into the A&E in a semi conscious frame. After briefing the doctor, the medical staff sprung into action. It was show time. As a bit part player, the only role for me was to spread loving kindness “May You Be Well & Happy” at the waiting area. Many thoughts were floating around and the best decision made during that moment was to feed myself with tuna sandwich and 100 Plus (otherwise might had ended on the drip too due to dehydration!)

It felt like ages when the doctor pulled me aside “Can we talk?” I was ready for the worst. “The bladder infection is quite bad, the blood pressure is dropping, there is a possibility of a heart attack as he has a mild shock and dehydrated. Due to his condition and age, and the fact that he is terminally ill, it does not look good. There are 2 options – let him go naturally or go for active resuscitation. The choice is yours. Go naturally, does not mean we are not doing anything….” The truth hurts. The doctor heaved a sight of relief “ I am glad you took it well as I was not sure how to tell you” as I did not scream and pull her hair or called her names!

After making a quick look at him in all the tubes, I started making calls. The doctor gave the green light to get the loved ones over to kiss and say goodbye! The first call was to my brother and told him to wrap up his work and drive mom and my kids over. As usual mom was cool. It was going to be a long night. He was wheeled to the general ward after he was stable to free up the bed. As the eldest, you can’t just enjoy the perks. You got to take in the dirty jobs too, meaning I qualified automatically to stay the night beside him.

As I was preparing to take forty winks on the lazy chair, the midnight news woke the dead. Someone got arrested under ISA. Quick walk to the television set hung at the common area. No surprise to hear the first name – RPK. Was stunned when the next 2 names were read out - Theresa and Tan who? The pendatang journalist. Disgusted, disoriented and despaired. It was the point of no return. Whatever support to the government had just evaporated. It was abuse in the first degree. Period.

However all is not lost. During my 2 nights stay, I witnessed a bunch of dedicated medical team. There is definitely hope for mankind. Even though they were understaffed, they showed lots of caring and patient attitude in caring the patients (pun intended). Kudos to them. Agreed the public healthcare sector is still riddled with many horror stories namely long waiting list to be treated and if your stars are not aligned properly you might be treated by a rookie who used you as a guinea pig! However the facilities are on par if not better than the private sector. Just like any entity, there are bound to have a few bad apples but overall the dedicated and caring lots stood out.

I am quite embarrassed to share this true story. When I, wife and children are ill, we would be treated at a leading private hospital whereas when our parents are ill, we would check them in the public hospital! Huh? It was purely economy reason, nothing malicious. We are covered under our employment terms and conditions. In addition, we are spoilt for choices as the insurance industry has evolved. Those days insurance was associated with death – Choy! Choy! Choy! These days, in addition to protection we are using insurance as a tool for education planning, retirement planning, health and medical coverage etc.

The take home is that we are in a position to decide whether we want to be treated in a public or private hospital. The cost of medical treatment is ever rising, growing faster than the official inflation rate and to make it for ‘affordable’ when we needed medical treatment, perhaps we should look at insurance in a different way. We do not need to be over insured, just insured based on our affordability.

The other financial related lesson is the asset distribution and estate planning. Dad does not have a will and do not need one. He had gifted us the house a decade ago. The only piece of paper work was to transfer the ownership of the beaten Wira. It would be a totally different story for us. With some assets in tow and for those young parents, it is wise to explore writing a wills. Get the paper right and unfreeze the assets the quickest time. Public fights and court disputes are the last thing to leave behind in the time of grief.

Fast forward a week later, dad was discharged on Friday the 19. He did recover from the infection. However, it did not warrant a thanksgiving party as the battle is not over. Not a seventh heaven scene. Mom was exhausted as she stayed overnight to be with him when I was back to work. Another wise decision that we made was to ‘terminate’ her services as babysitter and cook during this ‘ordeal’. We have engaged her sister, my aunt to baby-sit Jo Ven, my 15 months old junior. The slight drawback is that we are spending more time on the road. Crazy crazy traffic scene at Cheras. The sight was unpleasant with streams of vehicles as contra flow system was employed during peak hours with never ending road construction and diversion!

The expenses just shot up. Petrol, toll, food, babysitter allowances and not forgetting medical expenses. Thank goodness we have our safety net. It is so so true that we really do need to have some savings – for the rainy days! Otherwise I would not have the liberty to write this story.

What’s next? For dad, everyday is a bonus. Heaven knows if he could celebrate the next Chinese New Year. For the rest of us, life goes on as we could not wait until hell freezes over. Enjoy the calm before the next storm!

Life Uncertainty - Any Financial Compensation?

Death is certain. Life is uncertain. Everyone in agreement? If yes, isn't it a sure bet to hedge our money on insurance protection? A sure win proposition? But why is this market still consider untapped?

Perhaps many shied away from buying insurance policies because they could not afford it and certain extent due to procrastination. Not because they felt they are immortal!

For those who could afford, many bought insurance policies on an ad-hoc or stand alone basis which does not provide much protection or benefit to them or their next of kin. Some spent quite significantly on various policies which in reality were not relevant or necessary, hence incurring additional expenses. So it is vital to prioritise your insurance needs to match your financial budget.

Take into account your budget and buy policies that provide comprehensive coverage. A suitable plan should cover income protection, children education needs, liabilities, post retirement health care and critical illness protection.

Employees should think beyond their retirement medical and health insurance coverage. They should look for independent medical plans apart from those provided by employers. Critical illness protection plans are important for better and affordable medical treatment. This protection could also provide a peace of mind.

Once a loved one is struck with critical illness and eventually kick the bucket, there is nothing in the world that could replace him / her. However at the very least, there is some financial compensation to sustain the lives of the dependent or to pay for the ever rising medical bills!

Preparing For Approaching Death

Hospice offers a comprehensive program of care to patients facing life threatening illnesses. It emphasizes palliative rather than curative treatment; quality rather than quantity of life. The dying is comforted. Care plan, emotional, spiritual and practical supports are given based on patient's wishes and needs. Hospice affirms life and regards dying as a normal process. It neither hastens nor postpones death. It provides a caring community so that patient and family members can attain the necessary preparation for a death that is satisfactory to them.

The dying has a variety of physical, spiritual, emotional and social needs. The nature of dying is unique . The goal of the hospice team is to be sensitive and responsive to the special requirements of each patient.

There are 2 established centre in Klang Valley. Kasih Hospice (www.kasih-hospice.org) and Hospis Malaysia (www.hospismalaysia.org). Both provide services free of charge. They are funded through contributions by the families of patients, donations and corporate pledges. How can we contribute? We can contribute our time or money. Join in their activities. Be a volunteer and be humbled by the experiences.

Tarak cakap tak serupa bikin. I 'signed up' as a volunteer recently and have visited the oncology ward at GH twice. (1st Sunday of the month for 2 hours). Just lent our ears to the patients. Majorities were not from KL and needed shoulders to cry on. On the last visit, an elderly uncle, who was just a few beds away returned to the Maker, surrounded by his children! RIP!

pic - mummy package not included!

Denggi

We are born with 2 certificates i.e. birth and death certificates. Everyone has at least these 2 papers, so the additional papers chase is bonus!

We have read and heard who's who been struck with Denggi and rather fortunately to recover fully but rather unfortunately to continue to live this suffering life! We also have this it will not happen to me kinda attitude. From zero fatality, suddenly Denggi took away 3 lives of people whom I know in 2007.

My lovely cousin who was planning to start a family left us. An Indian grandma neighbour lost her battle after weeks in ICU and a Malay colleague's brother went back to the Maker. All in 2007. So what's this nonsense on the fight for this quota and that quota? After all, once we are given the birth certificate, we are just awaiting to graduate and receive our death certificate!

What is all these ego trips? (In fact, this blogging trip is part of my ego trip! he!he!).. We could not abolish but try to make an effort to reduce these trips.

I have a problem here. I do not KILL. Not even a mosquito. So how? No issue, prevention is better than cure. So reduce in materials chase. Buy less things, keep less stuffs and thus reduce the breeding ground. Killing 2 birds with a stone? (pun intended)

So remember, live present, forget about the past and let the future worries itself. Enjoy the campus life before we graduate!