Four Non Blondes

This story is about four non blondes namely Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job. But Everybody thought that Anybody would do it and Nobody realized that Everybody would not do it. In the end, Everybody blamed Somebody and Nobody blamed Anybody!!!

Festive Cheers

Some market humours to usher the festive season. Courtesy of Jay Leno & others.

1. US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. It is called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

5. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it is a scam. Don't fall for it.

6. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar.

7. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.

8. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

9. YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $250 per share.

10. WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you are the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $250 per share.

Merry Xmas & Happy New Year.

Funniest First Date

This story was told during Jay Leno Show.

2 adults went on a first date, a skiing trip. The outing was fun. As they were driving home, slowly due to the heavy snow, the lady felt the effect of that extra latte. She could hold no more and had to stop there and then to pee!

She quickly crawled out beside the car and yanked her pants. She rested her butt against the rear fender to steady herself in the deep snow. Her date stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
refrained from peeking. Woooo.. All she could think about was the relief and had no time to be embarrassed. Upon finishing however, she became aware of another sensation. Alamak!

She discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the fender. Oh!oh! Horrified and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!

He came around as she tried to cover herself with her sweater. He burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles. When they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both realized that there was only one way to get her free. It was his turn to pee! Yes he pee her butt off the fender. This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

Tongue Twister

1) She sells seashells by the seashore.

2) A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

3) Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4) If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

5) I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

6) Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People.

Investors Not Swayed By Politics

We are having a laugh. Another foot in the mouth act by DPM. "The global economic outlook and not the current local political scenario may be causing investors to think twice about coming to Malaysia."

So, what's new? Self denial again and again! Talk to the real people. The men on the streets. Listen and not just hear. Don't just listen to what it's pleasant to the ears. Undeniably the truth hurts.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/7/9/nation/21774757&sec=nation

Welcome to the Jungle - Headlines

'Appetite for Destruction'. This is the funniest of the lot. Even funnier than the comic strip. MIC in a quandary. It quoted that it is rare for leaders in MIC to resign. The usual way to disconnect with the party is through expulsion. I did laugh out loud! The writer who happened to be from the same community, did not sound sarcastic but was just stating the fact. 'Right Next Door to Hell'.
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/7/1/nation/21702079&sec=nation

'Use Your Illusion'. This is not funny but puzzling. Dad of 18 to wed 4th wife. Why or why these ladies were happy to share their hubby? This chap is an odd job worker and yet could afford to wed many wives. The wives are the breadwinners. According to a lady colleague, this type of guy possesses 'charm'. By the same measure and formula, that would entitle us for #ahem# number of partners! 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door'.
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/7/1/nation/21702644&sec=nation

'The Spaghetti Incident'. This is sad but true. Of all places, it happened in France. Soldiers used live bullets instead of blanks in drill and injured 17 in the watching crowd. Ouch! Taking a cue from their past their prime aka aging footballers. Couldn't shoot straight. Or maybe just wanna get rid of the old stocks in order to buy new bullets. 'Don't Cry'.

GnR "Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"

You Not Malay?

Once upon a time in 1986 at Leboh Ampang bus stand (just outside those banana leaf makan joints). In school uniform (not the thin revealing one that got everyone excited) waiting for Len Seng 165 (equipped with power stereo system that belted out great Tamil disco hits) a thug approached. "Where are you from", that was the customary pick me up opener to test if one belongs to any gang. Should I say Jinjang 18 Chai and get walloped? Stunned for a while. Before he demanded for my wallet, something happened. "Apa kamu nak" a voice came out from my mouth, as I recovered my composure. Now, it was his turn to panic! "eh! lu bukan Cina ka? soli huh" and walked away and probably looked for his next victim. It happened so fast, have no time to pee in the pants. Was glad to salvage my bus fares. From that day onwards, be yet wiser, started to use this 'advantage' to 'cari makan'.

Bangsa Malaysia - that's my standard reply countless times either via phone or face to face when customer service officers looked puzzled and did not how to label me! There is no statistic to prove it, but based on personal experiences, the services were much better if I speak their lingo! So take your language lessons seriously as it does wonder. Then what to do with the typical Chinese features - sepet, flat nose etc? Wear a mask, kot!